Honesty is always the best policy?

I must confess I haven't put much effort into writing my online profile but I try to be as honest as possible. I figured if they don't like the pic they won't bother reading about me but I am tempted to update it as follows and see what responses I get.

Likes - in no particular order

Holidays - hot or cold, anywhere and everywhere
Buying shoes
Gerard Butler
Deloreans
Hair straighteners
S Club 7- Don't Stop Moving (my guilty pleasure)
Fish finger and mushy pea butties (it's a Northern thing and white bread only)
Winning at scrabble
Two penny falls at the sea side, once I'm on them you can't get me off
The X Factor
Not getting dressed on a Sunday if I don't have to
A sleepy shag on a Sunday morning when you can't be arsed to put the effort in but it's still really nice
Sucking cock
Watching the sand slip from beneath your toes when you go paddling
Wearing flip flops and eating ice cream and doughnuts
Jack Daniels and coke with a bag of kettle crisps
Chick Flicks
Singing (and sometimes I hit the right note)
Wrinkle creams and being asked for ID
Having my feet and arms tickled
Afternoon snoozes
Laughing

Dislikes - in no particular order

Losing at scrabble
Beetroot
Bungee jumping, sky diving or anything else that may involve me breaking my neck
Being woken up, it makes me grumpy like a bear
Hangovers
Being sick
Bats and rats
Filling up with petrol
Giving BJ's before breakfast, you have to be really special for that
Being spanked
Sitting next to someone on a plane that hogs the armrest
Fingers between my toes or in my belly button
Being cold and miserable

I think I sound quite normal but I'm beginning to think that normal is the new abnormal in this virtual world. I keep getting asked why I am on a dating website and I am beginning to wonder myself?  I only want nice, honest and normal, someone to make me laugh and keep me interested. Am I asking for too much?

I do feel a bit sorry for the normal men on there too (although there doesn't appear to be many) after speaking to a male friend the other day who has done a spot of online dating when I heard the following story.
He had a couple of dates with a girl and decided to invite her back to his place and meet his flat mate. She admitted to my friend that she also liked his flatmate and then asked him if she could go out with him on Tuesday, his flatmate on Wednesday and decide who she liked the best and then they could take her out on Saturday. WTF???????????? I suppose at least she was being honest!!!

One of his mates who had been on a dating website for 5yrs finally flipped after having enough of meeting women who looked nothing like their pictures etc, and told the last one he met "to fuck off you ugly fat cunt".  Maybe he was being a touch too honest!!!

What do you think? Is honesty always the best policy? All comments welcome.

Just had to share todays funniest messages

Message 1

Don't panic. I'm just too ugly for you anyway.

However...

Are you finding that some on here like setting up phantom dates then they just........

You just don't hear anymore a few days before or on the day.

I knew them X-Files bods were right.

All the best ruby2169
x

Message 2

Im leezyverpunk
May not be a hunk
Nor a giraffe
But I am a reet laugh
So get in touch
Cant promise too much
But you will have a good time
(hopefully better than this rhyme) - lol

=;')

Why I should listen to my mum

My mum is always telling me I am either too shallow or too choosy.
But in this virtual world of online dating the only thing you have to go on is a thumbnail picture, from which you cannot see the cheeky glint in someones eyes or their personality that shines through and makes your heart melt.
So when Mrwellaboveaverage sent me the following message " Hi there! you look just like what the doctor ordered!.... fancy a chat x" with the picture below attached I admit I was a little bit shallow because I didn't actually like what I read in his profile but I replied "A chat would be nice". Lame I know but sometimes I just can't be arsed.

And this is what I got back!

Hi there Ruby!, just reading your profile....."It's a mans world....etc", well that's the first thing we disagree on!

Lol....how can it be a mans world under the present bias in the dating/partner selection process?

I mean if my profile was a bit less indicative of financial status, I can guarantee you would not have even bothered to reply to my message (although you will disagree and say you would have....... nonsense of course)

Women have always got the choice to select what partner they choose, men very rarely do (surely, at your age you should recognise that fact?), that's why you see so many rich or even middle class types who are just plain looking or even down right ugly with classy looking women, it's all about status isn't it?

Although obvious fact that illustrates this perfectly is the phenomenon of prostitution, how come guys are the ones buying sex/affection (with some poor souls the sex is the closest they get to actual love and tenderness).....it's very rarely women who buy sex.

Look, just face facts, all decent looking women are self interested, egocentonic, heartless ****es.

You would never date a guy who was good looking and earned significantly less money then you but you would expect a guy to earn MORE then you  or else you wouldn't have any thoughts of a relationship with him would you?

What's your thoughts on this Ruby?

xx

Well my first thoughts Mrwellaboveaverage are what a wanker! Usually a name like that would have put me off.

I didn't waste my time replying but what the fuck is that all about. I don't like being judged by someone  I have not even spoken to and have only exchanged five words with "A chat would be nice".  I have never been in a relationship with anyone who earns more then me and I considered them all to be attractive but in different ways. I am happy with the fact that I can take care of myself financially. How much someone earns has no relevance to me. What I want from a relationship runs much deeper then that. I would rather be poor and happily in love with someone who inspires and excites me then with some boring arsehole with a healthy bank balance. 

So Mrwellaboveaverage what I'd really like to say to you if you hadn't already deleted your profile is FUCK OFF!!!!!!!!!!!

So mum I am sorry I went on the picture alone and I will try harder not to judge a book by it's cover but you don't have to look at some of the monsters that email me!

TMM - my first date part 1

My first date actually made it to 3 dates, 5 nights in Ireland and 1 more date after so I'm going to turn this into a trilogy.

For some reason I do not want to ridicule this one. Is it because he made a mark on my world as well as my knickers? He had a strange effect on me down below but I'll go into that a bit later and he was a nice introduction back into the world of dating. It didn't go without any hiccups though and I would hope that if he reads this, he can see the humour in it.

After a spell of text tennis we finally met on a Monday night and to sum him up I said to my friend Miss V "He's quite tasty with nice teeth and lips, made me laugh but a bit laddy." Making me laugh is one of the most important boxes to tick, second to making me come. Sorry only joking but I can't help myself. Football's not so high on my tick list but I've done cricket, golf, fishing and F1 so I could give it a go. Only later did I find out that it would include darts as well.
I came away thinking I'm not sure he's the one but I'm not sure he's not which is about as frustrating as when my batteries run out and the shop's shut. Despite some reservations there was something that intrigued me so I agreed to keep Saturday night free.

Oh and I forgot to mention one significant factor - he drove a silver car! Did this make him the one?

And the message from AJ my dating adviser just about sums up what happened next.
"Fucking keep Saturday free? What keep it free so that you can wait around for a text from his highness?!!! WTF?! Is he waiting for a better offer then?

You see after Tuesday the texts dried up and I got no reply from one I sent him on the Wednesday so "TMM" then became known as "The Bastard from B......" or "The Gay Cock".

Something wouldn't let me leave it there. Was it the lure of the silver car or the free tea (that's Northern for evening meal) I never got. Anyway whatever it was something compelled me to send a message back through the website asking if he had thrown me back into the shark infested waters. This led to a second date, a ride in the silver car and the free tea. Oh and lets not forget the snog on my doorstep leading me to send this message to my dear friend Miss B just because I could see the look on her face when she read it.
Me - Hi, been out with TMM tonight, had a snog and I know it's wrong but I'm dripping down there lol xxx

Miss B - Errrrrr that's gross. Too much info and I hope you didn't tell him it might put him off lol xxx

Was it so strange? At least I'd had a snog to make that happen. The worst thing is it happened every time I got a text from him and I'm sure that's not normal and has never happened to me before. I wouldn't have minded if the texts were even the slightest bit dirty. When he called me hot pants it wasn't far from the truth. It gave the girls at work a giggle, they nearly wet their pants. Well I had to confide in someone I was getting worried.

So our second date ended with a snog on my doorstep and me? Well the less said about that the better?

And so on our third date we booked 5 nights in Ireland and you can hear all about that in part 2!

And this is why I prefer my Rampant Rabbit

Sorry I know I promised that the next installment would be about my first date and I promise it's coming but I needed to share the contents of my inbox from today with you.

  " wow fancy a busy lizzy lunch ha i,m graham"                     

"I think you are an absolute stunner, If you fancy going out for a meal, drink etc, please text me on        077........, if not good luck babe xxx"

Is this really what women want? All I can say to Ann Summers and Duracell is if this is all that's on offer then your business is safe.

And to my good friend Mr H who was asking me the other day why all women want arseholes, please, please, please don't ever think this is what we want.

I do feel a bit mean putting their pictures on here but come on, one muscle man in a playsuit and another one in god knows what! Are they for real?

DATING STATISTICS SO FAR TODAY

NO. OF MESSAGES RECEIVED - 9
NO. OF MESSAGES SENT - 2 and only because his messages made me laugh and deserved a reply.

And so the quest continues..................

And so the dating begins

I think I'll start with the near misses or the lucky escapes. The ones that I almost met but thank fuck I didn't.

Lucky escape no.1 - Beckoboy- I mean what the fuck kind of name is that? Anyway to cut a long story short the chat with him ended when he told me " Why don't you go and meet all the other men you are chatting to on here and when you realise they are boring, don't look like their picture and there is no chemistry between you, why don't you email me again and we can start over"  That nearly made me run to the doors of the nearest convent let alone think about ever emailing him again.

Lucky escape no.2 - Lee or the Rochdale Racist as he later became known - I started off quite optimistic, he became a bit too keen to whisk me away and teach me to ski but I like to give people a chance so we started to make arrangements to meet and exchanged numbers and I'll let you decide for yourself if you think I should have met him after you read the texts below.

Him - Morning its lee the 1 whos been pestering you on pof!

Me - Hi Lee, I'm just on train to London. Friday meetings down here I just love them.

Him - Horrible town horrible people worked there all lst yr no gud!

Me - I take it you don't like London then.

Him - It's a great night out and thats were it ends! Cockneys r like yanks whatever uve done they av done it better!

Him - Hello again hows u? Won't be able to get over 2mos should be ok for monday!

Me - I'm sorry but I don't think we should meet up as I think we are too different. Your texts were a bit harsh about Americans and Londoners. Good luck though and sorry again but I'm just being honest.

Him - Ok fair enough i was only being honest i can't be false about things i say it as i see it take care!

And this is what he said when I asked him where he lived " A Nice little sh-thole called Rochdale you cant miss the unique skyline of golden domes ..... Mosques that is! Its got to be 1 of the most depressing places in britain and thats coming from a well travelled boy!

Now tell me what you think. Should I have gone to meet him or do you think I was wise to listen to my dating adviser AJ who when asked if I should still go on a date replied " lol sounds like a wife beater"

All comments welcome

Lucky escape no.3 Smithycuddles - Sorry but just typing the name makes my flesh crawl. He started off quite nice but got a bit too intense and his emails just became a series of him sending me his phone number and asking me if I was there. Then the other day I was reading through my messages and his name popped up again. I couldn't resist reading it and it still had the same effect of making my flesh crawl when I read " we should be married by now" and I could hear my ovaries screaming please God not him.

So after my 3 lucky escapes I found myself trying to decide whether to join the local convent or stick with my rabbit and leave my neighbours thinking I like baking late at night when I'm buzzing round the bedroom when a cheeky face with an amazing smile popped up in my search. So I read on and must admit my heart skipped a beat when I read his profile. His grammar was a bit bad but what he wrote more then made up for it. So I added him to my favorites.

If you want to find out more you will have to wait for my next installment TMM- my first date

How I came to be on an online dating website

Ruby 2169 that's me, well actually that's not my real name but that's what I'm going to use for now.

I like to consider myself as quick witted, sometimes a little bit too quick for my own good and the filter that should stop my brain from letting my mouth open doesn't always work. So I must warn you now if you are slightly interested in following my blog, the content may sometimes become crude, vulgar, a little bit saucy and at times down right shocking and even a little bit sad and nostalgic. If you do then I hope you enjoy it and if it makes you smile a little then I have achieved my goal.

Before we get to the present I think I should take you to my past and what has led me to be one of  "The Many" who find themselves in the surreal world of online dating trying to find "The One". An experience that can be fun, exciting, frustrating and depressing in equal measures and if nothing else it keeps my friends entertained and hopefully it will you too.


THE PAST

From the age of 22 there have been 3 significant relationships in my life with a few Frogs and Princes in between. I shall refer to the big 3 as Mr X, Mr Y and Mr Z.

Mr X - Dec 1991 - June 1995

HEADLINE - The one whose heart I broke
HEIGHT - 6ft
BODY TYPE - Average
BODY HAIR - Too much
PENIS SIZE - Lacking
SHOWER OR GROWER - Neither
SEXUAL PREFERENCES - Eager to please
AGE WHEN WE MET - Me 22 - Him 22
CONCLUSION - I cheated and left
HIS CURRENT STATUS - Haven't got a clue but would like to think that he is happily married with a big family

Mr Y - Feb 1996 - March 2003

HEADLINE - The one who broke my heart
HEIGHT - 6ft 2"
BODY TYPE - Average with a bit of a belly
BODY HAIR - Just enough
PENIS SIZE -Average
SHOWER OR GROWER - Grower
SEXUAL PREFERENCES - Needs a lot of cock sucking but not very giving.
AGE WHEN WE MET - Me 26 - Him 26
CONCLUSION - He cheated and left
HIS CURRENT STATUS - Happily married with children to his childhood sweetheart. The one he left me for so it was all worthwhile and I am happy for him.

Mr Z - June 2003 - July 2010

HEADLINE - The one that never should have started
HEIGHT - 6ft 3"
BODY TYPE - Slim, broad shoulders and a six pack
BODY HAIR - Not bad but bum a bit too hairy
PENIS SIZE - Too big
SHOWER OR GROWER - Both
SEXUAL PREFERENCES - Sadistic bastard and a bit too weird at times
AGE WHEN WE MET - Me 34 - Him 20 and no that's not a typo, shocking eh?
CONCLUSION - I got fed up of having a bruised bum, he got bored and left
HIS CURRENT STATUS -  Has a new girlfriend, who looks like a bloke but who seems to share his need for BDSM as he bought her a collar for Christmas and she bought him a cage. 

So there you have it, my past 3 relationships in a nutshell. I've had the giver, the taker and the weirdo, three completely different experiences but I can look back on all three with fondness, happy memories and absolutely no regrets. Having three very different relationships has given me the ability to compare and contrast and take the best bits from each one to know exactly what I want when trying to meet "The One". I still live in hope that my fairytale ending is out there.

Another thing that gives me hope that he is out there and I know for some of you disbelievers this will be hard to understand but many years ago when I first met Mr Y I went to see a spiritualist. At the time I didn't think much of it and you take that sort of stuff with a pinch of salt but funnily enough over the years her words seem to keep coming back to me as she always emphasized that she cannot give you timings. Well do you want to know what she said? No? Well I'm going to tell you anyway.
She said that an old girlfriend was going to try and get Mr Y back but don't worry you will have another 2 relationships and you will have a child later on in life. I was 26 at the time and just starting a new relationship and babies weren't the top of my agenda but seven years later Mr Y and his first love rekindled their love through Friends Reunited. I then met Mr Z and he became one of the two but after a few months of meeting him we split up for a while and in that time I went to see the spiritualist again and she told me that he would come back again but would leave again and I would then meet someone with a silver car. Well he did come back again and stayed for another six years before he left. Now here I am aged 41, would dearly love to have a child and looking for number 2 with a silver car.

I'm going to sign off for now and make you wait to hear about my online dating experiences and nightmares. Watch out for the next installment and I will leave you with the following message

ALL GLORY COMES FROM DARING TO BEGIN - I stole that line and if he ever reads this I hope it makes him smile