How I came to be on an online dating website

Ruby 2169 that's me, well actually that's not my real name but that's what I'm going to use for now.

I like to consider myself as quick witted, sometimes a little bit too quick for my own good and the filter that should stop my brain from letting my mouth open doesn't always work. So I must warn you now if you are slightly interested in following my blog, the content may sometimes become crude, vulgar, a little bit saucy and at times down right shocking and even a little bit sad and nostalgic. If you do then I hope you enjoy it and if it makes you smile a little then I have achieved my goal.

Before we get to the present I think I should take you to my past and what has led me to be one of  "The Many" who find themselves in the surreal world of online dating trying to find "The One". An experience that can be fun, exciting, frustrating and depressing in equal measures and if nothing else it keeps my friends entertained and hopefully it will you too.


THE PAST

From the age of 22 there have been 3 significant relationships in my life with a few Frogs and Princes in between. I shall refer to the big 3 as Mr X, Mr Y and Mr Z.

Mr X - Dec 1991 - June 1995

HEADLINE - The one whose heart I broke
HEIGHT - 6ft
BODY TYPE - Average
BODY HAIR - Too much
PENIS SIZE - Lacking
SHOWER OR GROWER - Neither
SEXUAL PREFERENCES - Eager to please
AGE WHEN WE MET - Me 22 - Him 22
CONCLUSION - I cheated and left
HIS CURRENT STATUS - Haven't got a clue but would like to think that he is happily married with a big family

Mr Y - Feb 1996 - March 2003

HEADLINE - The one who broke my heart
HEIGHT - 6ft 2"
BODY TYPE - Average with a bit of a belly
BODY HAIR - Just enough
PENIS SIZE -Average
SHOWER OR GROWER - Grower
SEXUAL PREFERENCES - Needs a lot of cock sucking but not very giving.
AGE WHEN WE MET - Me 26 - Him 26
CONCLUSION - He cheated and left
HIS CURRENT STATUS - Happily married with children to his childhood sweetheart. The one he left me for so it was all worthwhile and I am happy for him.

Mr Z - June 2003 - July 2010

HEADLINE - The one that never should have started
HEIGHT - 6ft 3"
BODY TYPE - Slim, broad shoulders and a six pack
BODY HAIR - Not bad but bum a bit too hairy
PENIS SIZE - Too big
SHOWER OR GROWER - Both
SEXUAL PREFERENCES - Sadistic bastard and a bit too weird at times
AGE WHEN WE MET - Me 34 - Him 20 and no that's not a typo, shocking eh?
CONCLUSION - I got fed up of having a bruised bum, he got bored and left
HIS CURRENT STATUS -  Has a new girlfriend, who looks like a bloke but who seems to share his need for BDSM as he bought her a collar for Christmas and she bought him a cage. 

So there you have it, my past 3 relationships in a nutshell. I've had the giver, the taker and the weirdo, three completely different experiences but I can look back on all three with fondness, happy memories and absolutely no regrets. Having three very different relationships has given me the ability to compare and contrast and take the best bits from each one to know exactly what I want when trying to meet "The One". I still live in hope that my fairytale ending is out there.

Another thing that gives me hope that he is out there and I know for some of you disbelievers this will be hard to understand but many years ago when I first met Mr Y I went to see a spiritualist. At the time I didn't think much of it and you take that sort of stuff with a pinch of salt but funnily enough over the years her words seem to keep coming back to me as she always emphasized that she cannot give you timings. Well do you want to know what she said? No? Well I'm going to tell you anyway.
She said that an old girlfriend was going to try and get Mr Y back but don't worry you will have another 2 relationships and you will have a child later on in life. I was 26 at the time and just starting a new relationship and babies weren't the top of my agenda but seven years later Mr Y and his first love rekindled their love through Friends Reunited. I then met Mr Z and he became one of the two but after a few months of meeting him we split up for a while and in that time I went to see the spiritualist again and she told me that he would come back again but would leave again and I would then meet someone with a silver car. Well he did come back again and stayed for another six years before he left. Now here I am aged 41, would dearly love to have a child and looking for number 2 with a silver car.

I'm going to sign off for now and make you wait to hear about my online dating experiences and nightmares. Watch out for the next installment and I will leave you with the following message

ALL GLORY COMES FROM DARING TO BEGIN - I stole that line and if he ever reads this I hope it makes him smile